Saturday, May 30, 2009

Mr. Wonderful Gets His Picture Taken

Whenever the human goes into her office, I usually pay her a visit at some point.

My favorite thing to do is to wind my way through all the boxes and stuff on the floor and then start banging on the closet door until she yells at me. Then I find a nice spot to hide and wait for Mr. Squashy Face to come in so I can jump him. The problem with that is he never comes into the room, having learned his lesson the hard way.

Apparently the human thought I looked extraordinarily handsome and mysterious and managed to snap me peering over the box. She's getting pretty good at catching us at adorably cute moments. Here's another one for your viewing (please note that she cropped out the mess on the floor: wires, files, a stack of stock information that she never looks at anymore. Wonder why? She does own up to being a lousy housekeeper and I will certainly vouch for THAT!).

Monday, May 25, 2009

If You Can't See What I'm Talking About Now, You're Just Stupid

OK--here's the Squashy Face looking ever so cutesy. I'm watching him and letting him know that this cute little posing stuff isn't fooling me AT ALL.

These devil eyes are watching as the strap on the human's camera goes back...and forth...and back...and forth...just too much for a cat to withstand . . .

For the record, the human caught my reaction to this tedious display of youthful wontonness:Please . . . tell me this will all end some day soon. Please. I beg you.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Sisterly Love, As Expressed By Humans

The human who lives here got this email today from her sister:

You know how I am about spelling, right? If someone makes a mistake just in an email or something, I’ll let it go. But you misspelled a word on your kitty blog, and I’m assuming you’d want to know about it so you can correct it before anyone ELSE who might be anal about this sees it!!! I think this is the one word I’ve pointed out to you before – you must have some kind of mental thing about it!!! You spelled RIDICULOUS as rEdiculous. And that’s wrong. It just is. You’re welcome. (After all, what are sisters for, if not to point out their loved ones’ faults??!!)
STILL love you!!!!

Our human then pointed out to her that NO ONE other than the sister and her ever notice things like spelling or grammar errors. Obviously, there is one human with too much time on her hands (mine) and another who shouldn't be spending her time reading blogs when she's supposed to be WORKING (and I've alerted Michael, Frankie and Sassy about this and they promise to have a word with her AFTER treats). Oh and one more thing: if I had opposable thumbs and were able to type, I would NOT be freaking capitalizing every other word like both of THEM do. Having to dictate one's words to a human is sooooo irritating).

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Pet Wars, Part I

Holly: "Hey, who just pushed my bed off the bed?"
Boo: "Heh, heh, The Stealthy Squashy Face approaches, undetected!"

Holly: "Oh, for gosh sakes, it's that darn cat thinking he's invisible again."
Boo: "Ever more stealthily, the graceful feline commando circles the unsuspecting dee oh gee."

Holly: OK, now I'm getting mad. Stop it!
Boo: "Like a snake, he slithers over the Wall of Protection and into Operations Central."

Holly: "Now that's going too far, you creep. Ouch!"

Holly: "Oh, good grief, I give up. Sigh."
Boo: "Mission accomplished. Naptime!"

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Mellow Fellow

Human: "Ohhhh--isn't he just adorable?!!" Me: "That's IT. I've had it with all this cutesy stuff. The truth of the matter is, the little pig was belching and I demanded that he cover his mouth. If you knew the truth, Miss Fancy Pantsy Human, you wouldn't think he was so adorable." Kids these days have NO manners.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

The Not So Subtle Mr. Squashy Face

Boo wanted everyone to know that he was sleepy and was going to take a nap in the dee oh gee bed.

And just in case anyone hadn't gotten the message:

Now, here I am, looking utterly distinguished and smart. Boogie, being Boogie, asked me if I am a Rag Doll cat since my legs are so short. After I'd thumped her smartly on the nose, I said, "No, you idiot--I'm old and my formerly rotund tummy has turned to flaps of hanging skin. Humans get to have cosmetic surgery for this. Cats do not." So goes another day. Ho hum.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Introducing Us Seemed the Right Thing To Do

His Royal Highness Poonie of Ramalamadingdong


Our Story
I'm a distinguished older gentleman cat named Poonie who lived quite happily with my dear human until we were suddenly kidnapped and forced to live in a tin box the humans call a travel trailer, though I can't understand that since MY definition of travel would include MOVING. This one just sat there until the lecktricity started being weird. My dear human was kidnapped again but would come to visit every day and we'd nap together like old times. My world was turned upside down YET AGAIN when a really big human chased me around the tin box and finally trapped me in a suitcase and the next thing I knew, I was in The Big House and confined to my dear human's room, which was fine with me--I even had my litter box in there which was fine with her since her smeller didn't work. Then the worst thing EVER happened. (SIDEBAR: I don't know why, but all the humans except my dear one always said I was the world's meanest cat. Maybe it's because I'd sit on the washing machine and growl and hiss at anyone who tried to pass (which they HAD to do since they were between me and their toilet, ha ha). Or maybe it's because I had the balls to give the Dee Oh Gee's a hard slap on their noses when they'd get too close to me. Then they'd get all upset and be like, "I'm going to kill you, you damn cat" and I'd be all like, "Neener neener, you stupid dee oh gee's," and my dear human would be all like, "Now you dogs stop teasing poor Poonie or I'm going to put you outside." This was especially satisfying when it was really really cold or, even better, really really hot. ) In any event, one day one of the other humans opened the door a crack . . . and lo and behold, another member of my species (albeit an obviously inferior specimen) attempted to stick its nose in my room. Well, of course all h.e. double elbows broke loose--we both hissed and growled and generally went primal on each other. Through the door, of course. And it was all downhill from there until one day the door was simply left open and somehow, some way--the inferior thingie and I started to co-exist. Turns out his name is Boo and he is a completely spoiled brat who has the audacity to think he's better than I SIMPLY because he's something called an American Shorthair with PAPERS. Oh la de dah. Granted, he has his front claws, which COULD even things up, but I've got the corner on evil looks and I'm waaaaay past him on the hiss factor. My dear human left me one day and never came back, which was just awful, but I've decided to bestow my favors on the other female human and be all nice and lovey dovey to her. But I still hiss and growl at anyone else who crosses my path, which includes the human's husband and the two impossible dee oh gee's--the little one named Holly who's smart enough to steer clear of me, and the stupid one named Boogie who I have to whack every once in awhile when she steps on me. Boogie actually grew up with me when we lived with the dear human but she's just incredibly dense--the humans say she's "goofy", which is as good a word as any. OK--now you know who we are. Come back and visit us, please!!