Friday, May 15, 2009

Introducing Us Seemed the Right Thing To Do

His Royal Highness Poonie of Ramalamadingdong


Our Story
I'm a distinguished older gentleman cat named Poonie who lived quite happily with my dear human until we were suddenly kidnapped and forced to live in a tin box the humans call a travel trailer, though I can't understand that since MY definition of travel would include MOVING. This one just sat there until the lecktricity started being weird. My dear human was kidnapped again but would come to visit every day and we'd nap together like old times. My world was turned upside down YET AGAIN when a really big human chased me around the tin box and finally trapped me in a suitcase and the next thing I knew, I was in The Big House and confined to my dear human's room, which was fine with me--I even had my litter box in there which was fine with her since her smeller didn't work. Then the worst thing EVER happened. (SIDEBAR: I don't know why, but all the humans except my dear one always said I was the world's meanest cat. Maybe it's because I'd sit on the washing machine and growl and hiss at anyone who tried to pass (which they HAD to do since they were between me and their toilet, ha ha). Or maybe it's because I had the balls to give the Dee Oh Gee's a hard slap on their noses when they'd get too close to me. Then they'd get all upset and be like, "I'm going to kill you, you damn cat" and I'd be all like, "Neener neener, you stupid dee oh gee's," and my dear human would be all like, "Now you dogs stop teasing poor Poonie or I'm going to put you outside." This was especially satisfying when it was really really cold or, even better, really really hot. ) In any event, one day one of the other humans opened the door a crack . . . and lo and behold, another member of my species (albeit an obviously inferior specimen) attempted to stick its nose in my room. Well, of course all h.e. double elbows broke loose--we both hissed and growled and generally went primal on each other. Through the door, of course. And it was all downhill from there until one day the door was simply left open and somehow, some way--the inferior thingie and I started to co-exist. Turns out his name is Boo and he is a completely spoiled brat who has the audacity to think he's better than I SIMPLY because he's something called an American Shorthair with PAPERS. Oh la de dah. Granted, he has his front claws, which COULD even things up, but I've got the corner on evil looks and I'm waaaaay past him on the hiss factor. My dear human left me one day and never came back, which was just awful, but I've decided to bestow my favors on the other female human and be all nice and lovey dovey to her. But I still hiss and growl at anyone else who crosses my path, which includes the human's husband and the two impossible dee oh gee's--the little one named Holly who's smart enough to steer clear of me, and the stupid one named Boogie who I have to whack every once in awhile when she steps on me. Boogie actually grew up with me when we lived with the dear human but she's just incredibly dense--the humans say she's "goofy", which is as good a word as any. OK--now you know who we are. Come back and visit us, please!!