Thursday, June 25, 2009

Playing With Your Food, Or, Rita & Freida Come For a Visit

The human has fallen in love with the two geese living next door. I can see why--don't they look tasty? I overheard talk of how the French like to feed their geese until they're literally bursting with fat and then EAT THEIR LIVERS. I don't care what the American government says, the French are A-OK in MY book! A little foodie background on these two might be in order prior to snack time. The humans next door brought home two darling (a human word, translated to "yummy" in cat) baby geese, all yellow and fluffy. They quickly imprinted on the next door human female and called her Mommy in geese-speak, which is really just honking but it's cute when they're little. As babies are wont to do, the geese grew up and here's what they look like now:
At the outset, they were skittish, but quickly decided they liked my human and edged ever closer to the fence between the yards. Either they liked her, or they wanted to peck at her toes.

Suddenly, one of the geese notices a gap under the fence. A jailbreak is inevitable.
Dinnertime approacheth.

Voila! Geese on our property. Doesn't that mean they belong to us now? Fire up the barbecue!!

They go visit Gracie the Blind Goat. She is confused by the honking and wanders off, thinking she's about to be hit by a car.

I gained new admiration (for a nanosecond) for Boogie, who I hear attacked one of the geese and had it by the neck before our human screamed at her, causing her to drop it and go into grovel mode. She probably wouldn't have shared it with me anyway, the bee-atch. Now she's back to being all slobbery and acting all like she and the geese are big pals. Like I said, she's STOO-pid.

The male human, bless his big ole heart, thought it might be nice to try to teach the geese how to wet sand on his Harley fender. Talk about ridiculous! You KNOW they have no idea what he's doing, they're just being nice to him so they can play in the water.

And here's evidence that geese are stupid and really should just be enjoyed with a glass of wine and some crackers: I overheard this one saying, "This is a nice mirror, but it really makes me look sort of green, doesn't it?"

Goose. It's what's for dinner.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Bucks for Bella, Two Dee Oh Gee Pond, and She's At It Again . . .

The human received two packages today and for the life of me, I cannot understand what all the yelling and screaming was about.
What in the heck is THIS? Who is Bella? What raffle?Then she came completely unglued when she saw who the second box was from. "Oh YAY!" she yelled. "It's the necklace I won from Two Dog Pond because I'm so clever!"
And to think someone in this household gets excited over receiving something from not one but TWO dee-oh-gee's. I really do think the world is coming to an end.

Following is further evidence that I am being persecuted simply because I do not have front claws and cannot rip the eyeballs from the human's now swollen head.

Me: Yes, I hear you, and no, I don't want to play with that toy. Leave me alone.

Me: Apparently you're getting hard of hearing. I said NO. (Idiot).

Me: Good lord, now she's dangling it in front of me. This is rediculous.

Me: What part of GET OUT OF MY FACE don't you understand, HMMMM?!

Me: (Sigh). Now she's wrapped the damn thing around my tail. God, give me strength.

Me: I'm leaving. Death to humans.