Wow

Yeah. Wow. . .

Why You Should Never Believe Anything A Human Tells You

The human showed me a photograph today. She shoved it in my face after she'd blown her stack, as she put it, ONE FREAKIN' TIME TOO MANY! (I'm not sure why she got so mad, since I didn't intentionally break one of her precious figurines--it was a dog, for pete's sake--nor did I intentionally drag a very small piece of poopy into the family room. I certainly didn't know it had stuck to my rear end, for god's sake, and when she stepped on it, she WAS wearing flip-flops. Jeez.)

So she was yelling and screaming as she stomped into her office but after she'd been there awhile I heard her chuckling and I figured she'd calmed down and got over it. A bit later, she comes out and says, "See this? I took it yesterday in Pearl River. And don't think they wouldn't take you because you're old and stringy. Mr. McCroc said marinating old cats in Worcestershire sauce softens them right up."

OH MY GOD!! I TOTALLY FREAKED OUT! I could not BELIEVE this woman who says she loves "her babies" would even consider turning one of us into a catburger! Click on the photo to read the horrendous menu.

Then just when I thought I might actually have to start being nice to everyone in order to avoid being turned into a menu item, Boo walks up and says, "By the way Poonie, that sign? Before she doctored it up on the computer, it was a sign for a yard sale. Ha ha."

My usual "Death To Humans" really just doesn't begin to express how I feel right now . . .

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Of All The NERVE!

I think everyone would agree that any cat who has (#1) his own blog, and (#2) a rabid following in Nebraska, well, that cat must be pretty darn special, right? But noooooooo--it appears that there is a communal blog for BLACK CATS ONLY and it was actually suggested that Boo (yes, Boo) hook up with what I will now refer to as "his own kind." I mean, look at him. He sits in the sink, for pete's sake. And you know WHY he sits in the sink? Pathetically, in the hope that the human will come by and turn on the faucet ever so slightly so he can play with the droplets. Yes, I realize that it sounds pretty stupid but he LIVES for this!
Apparently no one at the black cat blog does any vetting prior to inclusion. If it were ME, I'd be out there interviewing housemates and humans to get the really dirty stuff heh heh heh. But then there'd be the problem of spreading the truth via the news outlets since we all know the media is totally human-centric (except of course when an animal does something rediculous like ride a surfboard or get stuck in a drainpipe). The one exception is the obviously animal friendly FOX News--how could they not be with a commentator named Karl ROVER?!

BTW, Animal Planet doesn't count due to the fact that their number one show is The Dog Whisperer and the only time you see a cat on that show is when some out-of-control dog is trying to kill it and all Cesar does is go "Chuh! Chuh!" and then says to the totally obsequious owners, "Chew see, he ees alrady unly biting thuh cat, not keeling eet." So then they go "Oooooo, you are wonderful, Mr. Milan" and the show ends, leaving the cat to lie there and go, "Hey, what about ME? I'm bleeding to death here!"

Well, yes, I do tend to get carried away when I've been slighted. However, I will not give in to hurt feelings--I've already demanded that the human find either a Mean Cat blog or an Active Senior Cat blog, where I will surely gain more admirers once they realize that I AM . . . . The Most Wonderful Cat In The World!